Privileges
by aprilhope
Summary: Justin pov, ep 108. Oneshot... ficlet... drabbly thing, lol. Brian does something shocking in bed. For Karyn.


Privileges  
by AHS

Fuck… I have to go to the bathroom.

I don't want to get up. I can't, not now. This is too important.

Brian's let me stay the night a few times. The excuse, ever since the first night, is always that we're so fucked out… he fucks me and we come so hard, usually more than once… that we just fall asleep. The next morning, when we wake up, I look at him… hopefully not too embarrassingly adoringly. He blinks… and shrugs. Lets me blow him in the shower, pours me a glass of juice, and tells me to run off to school or home to mommy. Then ends up driving me, acting annoyed at _having to _give me a ride, when he could totally make me take the bus. I smile a little too much all that day, but no one but Daph really notices the difference. I know not to mention my occasional sleepover privileges to the guys - Michael especially - and I know I will get to keep them.

But our sleep tends to be just… sleep. I mean, I don't try to press my luck with cuddling or anything. Even if we pass out with him on top of me, at some point, he rolls away and claims his own space. And I pretty much keep to my own space. Okay, my body might gravitate towards his warmth a _little_, which is only natural, but I sleep like the dead. I don't kick around, steal the covers too much, so… I keep my tenuous privileges.

Something about this time was different from the start. It was me in my space and Brian in his, but… this was the first time we'd gone to bed together without sex first. And, okay, technically we didn't go _together_. I snuck away from the sofa and into bed after him. But he let me. He turned over all casual, like he didn't know I was there, but there's no way he didn't feel me climb in beside him. And he pulled the covers over us and let me stay. And even as tired as I was after all the drama with my dad, I couldn't sleep. I was completely aware of him, more than ever before.

I could hear his breathing, slightly off, slightly pained because of his ribs. Not fully asleep yet, but close. And I was afraid to move at all, even breathe too hard. My position was making my left arm go numb, but I didn't move. I didn't want to mess up his sleep. I didn't… I don't want to cause him any more trouble than I already have. I still can't believe my dad could do that… hurt anyone like that. But it wasn't _anyone_. It was the man I love.

Sometimes when I think about how much I love Brian, everything else goes away. And I laid there next to him, thinking about it, and I forgot about the pins and needles in my arm. Until he moved… rolled slightly towards me, off his side, onto his back. And I took the opportunity to shift simultaneously, freeing my trapped limb. Not more than a minute went by before… I felt…

Brian's hand covering mine. His fingers sliding around and between mine, loosely gripping.

I snuck a glance at his profile. His eyes were closed, his features relaxed. His breathing had evened out. Definitely asleep.

Brian Kinney was - and is, still - holding my hand in his sleep.

I remember a couple of fucks ago, after I got my nipple pierced, our fingers tangling during. Not even tangling. Brian fucking grabbed for my hand, like he needed the connection, that extra contact. That was the first time that had happened, and even as out of my mind with ecstasy as I was from his cock jabbing my prostate again and again, the meaning in that action still hit me. Now this…

My thumb lightly brushes over his thumb and it's making me hard. Well, that and the memory of the nipple ring fuck. The thought of moving our joined hands to my dick flashes through my head, but just for a second. This is… too special. It's completely… innocent, and that's the best part. It's, like… the greatest proof I've had so far. I've always believed, had hope, but now I _know_.

Brian really is falling in love with me.

I savor the comforting weight of his fingers now, because I realize I will have to let go before the morning. If Brian wakes up to my hand in his, he won't shrug it off. Such a simple thing, but it would shut him down. I know it. I know him. I'd lose my privileges.

…His secret's safe with me.


End file.
